Turning 50?!

I'm turning 50 this year - in about 5 weeks actually. I delight in getting older and wiser. I don't cover the grey in my hair and I started saying what I actually think a long time ago. And, this 50th is presenting a bit of stress for me. Why?

I have been sitting with that question for a couple weeks. Why does turning 50 seem to be a difficult birthday?

At this moment (I'll continue to carry the question) I believe it's simply that I am also in the middle of a transition in my life and career. I have dedicated a very large part of my life to my career. I do not regret this. Developing my gifts and learning how to speak about them took concentrated effort.

Now, I am ready for a more developed and satisfying personal life; a partner, vacations, more time with friends, maybe a house. I have to remind myself that it does take time to develop those relationships. I feel like a kid at the beach though. It's hot, I anticipate how wonderful the water will feel. Still, we have to carry the picnic basket and all the towels and water, etc. and claim our little island of space. Then it's time to put on the sunscreen and then, what feels like hours later I can finally dip my toe in or just dive madly. Ahhhh!

Yesterday - a day after the full moon and lunar eclipse - I woke up feeling like I was failing. It was awful actually - I rarely feel like this. All my inadequacies seemed highlighted and possibly fatal. I just kept breathing and shared my feelings with a few close and trusted friends.

This morning all is right with the world again - or at least, I feel successful. Lunar eclipse? Maybe? Sometimes we have to feel our feelings and let our doubts surface - and just breathe! Oh, and trust that our strengths and joy will surface VERY SOON!

So to everyone turning 50 or some other significant age - cheers. It's just a number. What else is going on?